sore
Wa today i woke up with this terrible sore throat, must be the chicken essence that i drank tt day to pia for the tuition.
I got back my chem results today, it was X. where 100- X = A1. find X
Hahas it was pretty damn bad i would say, but i saw it coming. O wells guess i have to work hard.
Then during chem pract, i have iodine all over my pants, and i didnt even notice. Ben had like one big patch cause it spilled, for me, i wiped my hands unknowingly on my pants -.-. So i have like this colourful decolourisation on my black pants now, kinda shows that i am a science student hahas. SJ didnt come to sch today, so he missed the scolding by tbp that was dished out one on one lol, then i came back and saw his blog. SJ i also dunno if sms him he can see or call him he would ans so i also dunno how to find out what happened, heng he very free so can blog about his poly clinic trip.
Tomorrows ACJC fun-o-rama but i cant go damnit, got tuition in the morning and then cell in the afternoon. Wa this week really killing me slowly. Monday tuition, Tuesday tuition< wednesday CCA, thursday and friday can go home only. LAck of sleep has drove me to sleep like 4 hours in the afternoon today hahas. Still feel kinda sian sian after i wake up, like i hibernated for way too long. When i nap theres like this optimum time to wake up, and if i heng heng hit that time, i wake up energised. Before that and i feel pissed lol and after that i feel like sian sian. I guess my bodys kinda screwed up.
I better go do some work now hahas, haven been doing shit for the whole day cept reading newsweek. My addiction. NOT!
it was at; 7:08 AM
the word
The last blog entry was about what i experienced for the last month, a month of struggles and hardship. A month where i denied and i pushed away my true emotions and problems. I wanted to stand like a strong firm tree, not to be swayed by the torrential wind and to survive the storms alone. Alone i stood, strong and mighty, but the rain poured and the wind howled. I began to fall. The problems are just too big for me, but it was never big if i handled it with God. I called and asked my friends, but none would and could help. " Only you can solve it" they said. I prayed and God came. He showed me the solution. The stress that i have been under, He showed me how to not take it so seriously. Not to pressure myself, and that it is normal to feel uncomfortable. All this suffering and torment, Sometimes you just feel like a fish that is placed on the soil, its not your home. Like this fish, my home is not on earth, but in the heavens above. Hence it is certain that i fail, that i feel unwanted, that i feel pain, this is not home. My calling is up there, with God. Thanks for showing me the way God, i understand so much better now.
it was at; 4:07 AM
=)
I was troubled
i fell and i felt like a nobody
people walked past me
they did not offer any help
no outstretched hand met mine
my helpless limb hanged
i was pleading
i was calling out
"anyone"
My debts
My worries
My burderns
They pressed down hard
Hard on this beaten chest
A chest full of pains
But like a closet of secrets
I kept it in
But there HE stood
He asked me to open my doors
Not to let any secret linger
To be true
I was uneasy
I was unsure
But gradually i opened
my life full of dark secrets
i shone light on them
they melted away
As sure as the morning sun
HE paid my debts
HE reassured me
HE carried my cross
He was always waiting at the door
waiting for me to return
patiently
i did
HE saved
it was at; 3:58 AM
stuff
I haven blogged for a long long time. Just want to blog about some stuff here that i would never forget
1. During my Ah ma's wake, 13 1723 members came! I was really encouraged by my brothers and sisters efforts to cheer me up to encourage me and to pray for me. I realised that its in church where your true friends are, it was then when i saw who were my sunny-day friends and who were my true friends. I would like to thank all my cell group members who prayed for me during those difficult times and cheered me on.
2. During my march holidays, i was not really cheerful and was very stressed everyday, cynical and sick of life, i even thought of jumping down from my room. But I look to my right, and i saw my church. Like a candle lit up in the darkest moments of my life, i saw a flicker of hope. Not just any plain old usual hope, but HOPE that NEVER DIES! I knew that i am here for a purpose and that though i have some obstacles in my life, i am not carrying my cross alone. On easter the pastor also reminded us that as christians, we should focus on spreading the gospel and not on church activities. Because the more you are involved in church, the lesser you would be outside spreading the gospel. Whats the point of hanging a tag " christian" if you do not spread the gospel?
3. I just got scolded by my chem teacher today, and was labeled NATO by him hahas. It means that i only talk but no action. I guess its true, i did not really study hard to chemistry for any test and didnt bother to memorise those crazy equations. But i am going to NOW! hahas yeap i got myself a new lease of hope for chemistry by having a tutor and i plan to start revising my foundation chapters NOW! no more procastinating and no more complains!
4. I got a C for gp today! wooo though one more mark would have awarded me a B, i am pleased that i have improved from a D and i did better for summary which i had been failing last year!
I must remember to spread the gospel and to work hard for A lvls, Because i have this hope that never dies!
it was at; 7:06 AM
memory
today is the 14 of march
My ah would be 81 tomorrow
but she has been called home
To Where her pain will end
where there is no words like suffering
A place we yearn for
a place called heaven
But it hurts so bad
so bad
i have lost
it was at; 2:04 AM
please
Today i visited my Ahma at NUS
I was terrified
Tubes were placed into her mouth
nose
needles stuck onto her hands
Heart rate monitors beeping
who knows if it will be the last beep for her
She lies there unawake
Semi-consious
We call out to her
but silence was the answer
my heart hurts
like a blunt dagger slowly carving its way
into my chest
It hurts to see my grandmother like this
My tear ducts want to scream
Like the river nile, flowing
But i resisted
I must be strong for her
I whispered "ah ma" into her ear
I silently wish for just any hint of reply
a grunt
a nod
but none
I am overwhelmed
i look around
the machines seem to be taunting me
trying to say that its fruitless
yet i need their help
i am in a dilemma
I want to hold her hand
to reassure her to be strong
and to assure myself
but her hands are covered
with a cloth bag
so restricting
yet necessary
Her eyes were always closed
i want to see her pupils
i want to see hope
hence i pray
it was at; 4:17 AM
Batok jones, botak jones
Today i got my chinese results!!!! and i got a fabulous B!
cant believe it
all my "hard"work paid off.
before that i went bowling with my class, then kanna sai only got 66 first game and 67 on the second...wasted my money
then i got like a birthday celebration from machine ,ernie and desmond. We went to eat Botak jones at clementi. The botak burger meal i ordered was like....gulp...a very big portion. Machine and ernie ate chicken and des ate meepok. I still have the taste of the salty burger in my mouth. The fries were damn good cause the seasoning was super unhealthy, the burger was kinda dry and too much onions. So my burp stinks now. While waiting for the meal there was this botak drinks lady that kept shouting at us and asking us what we want. Due to her unpolite manner of asking, we didnt order from her and got cheaper and bottled 100 plus drinks from the provision stall just 10 m away. Thats what u get for being an asshole auntie! After i ate the meal i was like...santa. Ernie had cell group so he went off first, while me and des and machine went to machine's ah ma house to play guitar hero 3.
Machine bought like this toy guitar for guitar hero, i tired it and i almost got spasms playing, my eyes were in a blur after the 3rd minute of the song and i was already panicking. Desmond suffered the same ordeal too, only machine was still going strong, so we decided to leave him to his toy.
Went back home and blog...like now
O ya i think i saw Sj sister at botak jones...looks bigger then SJ...scary. i think her name was Sq
it was at; 4:40 AM
yay!
Yay i am 18 today, but today was rather boring
went to school
did some homework
raining
damp
unspirited
Then we got class bonding which was actually another term for Sabo Sam. We played find mas selamat and i got to be the police =) such a concidence man, i never get to be police before. Then mas selamat killed like half of the class before i thought it was yan jun, then it was actually darlie. damnit. after that i was forced to get taupoked by like 4 people only...and there were alot of moments of awkward silence cause i was suddenly too shy to talk.
But i thank 07s22 for having this session with me! made me feel
special
happy
sabo-ed
After that my 985 gang went home,
ursa warrior went back home first and i was with zman and Sj the noob
then sj the noob treated me to lunch at west mall and zman continue to press his phone
we talked alot until we realise it was already quite late...like 3pm
waiting for my dota match now, zc and sj still not online...ursa asking me where sj.
O ya thanks people for sms-ing me, even my jjc friends =) really surprised .
finally can go smoke.